The thoughts, feelings, and experiences of domestic abuse survivor and advocate Daylight.
|Posted on March 11, 2017 at 5:45 PM||comments (2)|
It's at the CROSSroad that we are faced with important decisions and our lives change in one way or another. It's at the CROSSroads that we choose obedience or disobedience, God's will or our own will for our lives. Thankfully,as we travel this journey called life we will encounter several CROSSroad experiences. Each CROSSroad gives us an opportunity to get it right.
Pastor Curney has been teaching on CROSSroads. He has taught us that while we're at the CROSSroad we should embrace the moments of solitude. We need these moments of solitude before we make decisions. When we're at a CROSSroad we must be selective about those we allow to continue the journey with us. Everyone cannot go. Some people can only walk with us the first mile. While someone else was meant to accompany us to the CROSSroad but no further.
As we stand at the CROSSroad there will be those that will burden us to go now. However, everyone cannot handle NOW! Everyone cannot handle where God is taking you. Everyone cannot handle the trials and struggles you will experience on the journey. When we are at the CROSSroad we should continue our journey with people who share our vision. Often those who want to travel with us cannot understand our vision, handle the gifts God has given us and where God is taking us.
It's at the CROSSroad that we have an intimate encounter with Christ. We experience God like never before. At the CROSSroad that His still small voice is much clearer than ever before.
It's at the CROSSroad where we take up our cross and to make a choice to follow Jesus, choose the love of Christ. This is where we yield our lives and will to Christ.
While Christ hung on the CROSS for our sins that He surrendered His life for us and submitted to the will of God. How appropriate that at the CROSSroad we choose Christ, we repent of our sins and submit to the will of God for our lives.
|Posted on February 22, 2017 at 9:50 PM||comments (0)|
I have been free from my abusive relationship since 2009, my divorce was final January 2011. I thought that was the finale. It was finally all over. Unfortunately, that was not the ending of it all. There is a remnant that remains with me.
I can clearly remember those nights of fighting and crying. I can hear and feel the sting of the many terrible names he called me and the awful things he said about me. I can smell the alcohol on his breath as he forced himself on me. I still experience the symptoms of depression, insomnia and crying along with a few other health issues that developed as a result of the stress from the abusive relationship.
Most people seem to think it's completely over if you pack a bag and walk out the door. No! Hell No! The end is not that simple. There are many survivors who leave their abusers only to be stalked by them, some are still abused as they have children with them. There are survivors that end up in the hospital or worst in a grave after packing a bag and walking out the door. Then there are the survivors like me that walked away but are still dealing with the remnant from that abusive relationship.
Over the course of the 16 years of marriage I became a master at wearing a mask and hiding my hurt and pain, pretending everything is fine. My world at home was falling apart and my life was in shambles but on the outside most people had no idea. No idea I was a train wreck. No idea that I felt like I had been ran over by a train. No idea that I wanted to run over him with a train. No idea I was in pain or even sick.
I threw away my mask in 2009 but I often looked for a new mask, a new way of covering up my shame and embarassment. I wake up many mornings seeking a way to hide the remnant. There is no pill for the remnant. My doctor can't prescribe me anything for the remnant. I can't close my eyes and just wish it all away. The remnant wakes me in the middle of the night. It's in my nightmares. It's in my reflection in the mirror. This remnant is a thorne in my side. It's in the back of my mind. The remnant haunts, pains and almost paralyzes me almost daily.
It's very clear that this remnant is mine. It's my cross to bear. I can't stop, give in, give up or allow this remnant to paralyze me or cause me to abort the vision God has given me.
So I'll pack the remnant is my rolling bag or Coach purse and take the remnant with me to every speaking engagement, every workshop, group meeting or community event. I will wear the remnant like it is an accessory to my outfit. I'll wear it as a bracelet instead of handcuffs, or a cute anklet instead of shackles. I will use the remnant as a prop in every workshop. I'll share the truth about the remnant in every group, fb post or blog.
God will get the Glory out of me and the remnant!
|Posted on February 20, 2017 at 1:30 PM||comments (0)|
After having many conversations with counselees, friends, coworkers and family members it is very clear to me that every woman has her own definition of a "Good Man". After being in an abusive marriage I am very clear on what a "Good Man" is and is not to me. Each definition of a "Good Man" seems to be based on the needs, wants, and experiences of each woman.
Some women are after material things only. So for those women, a "Good Man" is a man who can provide them with them those material things or the funds needed to acquire them. These women do not require any attention or affection from the man providing the material goods. All they want from him is money and will do whatever is necessary to acquire what they want. Most often these women are never satisfied and always wants more. They are constantly comparing what they have or don't have to someone else.
There are women who prefer men who allows them to wear the pants in the relationship. These women dictate what their man can and can't do. These women treat their man like he's her son. They are never pleased with him and only see the worst in him. He must work to make her happy at all times. In this relationship she is very often verbally abusive and can also be physically abusive.
Then there are the women that are looking for the man that is good in the bedroom. He's a "Good Man" solely based on his ability to please her in the bedroom. She desires for him to make her sexual fantasies come true. He must deliver or he will be quickly replaced. This is usually the woman that has her own money, house and car. She's not looking for affection. She's not looking to connect only any other level. No, he cannot spend the night or come over without being summoned. For her he's merely a night cap.
Next, is the woman who is tired of the games. She's looking a nice fellow who is tired of the games as well.. He's respectful, goes to church, treats her kind. No baby mama drama. He knows how to treat her and spend time with her. She can see a future with him. She enjoys his company whether it's movie night at the house or a night out on the town.
Then there are those women that may have more than one "Good Man" in her life. They each have their assigned duties and place. However, they must be careful to not cross over into another lane as this is grounds for dismissal.
Another kind woman has been hurt more than once by either the same man or multiple men. She has sworn off relationships so all men she encounters remain in the friend zone. She may flirt with them via text or phone conversation but that's as far as it is going. In her mind all men are dogs and can't be trusted. She holds on to all the hurt and pain from the last man and blames it on any new man that enters her life. She has yet to allow any man to help her unpack her baggage, especially since he would have to get close to her to do that.
Unfortunately, there is also the woman that seeks to hurt every man that comes into her life. Her mission is to collect as many hearts as possible. Bitterness and hurt rules her world. She is consumed with getting revenge but hurts those who has never hurt her. This is the woman that gets in the middle of other's relationships. Constantly trying to prove her girlfriend's man is no good. Always has an attitude and in a bad mood.
There are many "Good Men" out there just as there are many "Good Women". If all you run into is "Bad Men" or "Bad Women" you might need to check the man or woman in the mirror.